When Clint Eastwood delivers that line to Gene Hackman at the end of Unforgiven, there is a sense that Clint's character understands what most of us seem to miss. I am not speaking to those who have not found Jesus as their Savior, but rather those who have...
As we move into a new year, new beginning and so on, I challenge you to catch yourself each time you mention to God you deserve something. It's a tricky game to play, but I have some pointers for being good at the challenge:
When you find you are caught in traffic, on the way to do charity work, Bible study, church, or any other service opportunity for God. What do you do when you are cut-off, stuck behind an accident or just delayed? Yes, we all get frustrated, but isn't there a sense that we should have an "open lane" to do God's work? Why would he slow down your progress on doing His work? It's obviously satan trying to test me, because I don't deserve this!
At work, we all have that person we cannot understand. You know the one, they talk about inappropriate things, cuss, annoy, don't fit in, or fit in too much. Why would God put this person in my life? It's obviously satan trying to test me, because I don't deserve this!
My family lost a dear member and in the process left us with an additional household to maintain in his absence. Believe me, I thought he was a saint when he was alive, but now I know after the numerous maintenance issues that he took care of on a regular basis while keeping his business going and taking care of his wife who needed special care. I made a promise to take care of things shortly before he passed and I will keep that promise. Why are there so many issues? It's obviously satan trying to test me, because I don't deserve this!
Before I get into the game, please understand I know no one is perfect and each of us can fall into one of these common pitfalls. The point of this note, is how do we respond to these situations? I read somewhere that we either react or respond to situations. Reaction is emotional and usually attached to inexperience with situations. Response is a calculated action based upon experience. (super over-simplified, but hey, it's me, not Dr. Phil)
When things don't go our way, we usually react versus respond...see items above. In each case, when we react we realize what we are really saying when complaining about the situation; "God, you messed up here!". Then, once we have realized how that sounds, we start our "spin control" by blaming it on satan, or the world, you know the routine. This reaction we have is the "I deserve" reaction. Why would God do this to me? I am doing so much for Him and look at what's happening to me.
Here's the deal, God does not give you more than you can handle and He certainly is not giving us what we deserve. Let's compare:
Wages of sin is death...God gives us His only Son...who got the better of that deal?
So let's put it in perspective:
Traffic or Eternal separation from God?
Tough person to get along with or Eternal separation from God?
Keeping a difficult promise or Eternal separation from God?
When we put it in those terms it's a no-brainer. Super easy to say and read, but it's not going to be that easy. For example, if you are actually trying to read this and your computer crashes, there is a better-than-zero chance you will look up and say "Why!". That is where we get back to response versus react. The more you prepare for the unknown, the more likely you will be to respond rather than react to what God has put before you. Yes, God put before you. Let's look at our scenarios again and respond:
Traffic Jam: Lord, I hope everyone is all right if there is an accident. Maybe I am rushing around too much and God wants me to slow down if I will not do it myself. I was minutes behind that accident, thank you Lord for protecting me.
Person at work: Instead of "God, why did you put this person in my life?", ask, "God, why did you put me in this person's life?"
Tough Promises: Lord, thank you for the time I did have with him to learn how to handle issues without complaining. Never did he complain, or ask for a way out of doing what needed to be done. His example for me and my boys was a blessing. Give me the strength to take care of my family just like he did.
None of this is easy and frankly I get a little nervous when I ask God for strength, because anyone who has worked out to get stronger understands that means more weight on the bar. This note is simply a reminder to keep things in perspective. God sacrificed His only Son that we might not have to get what we truly deserve.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Be Strong and Courageous!
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Faith Takes Practice...
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
Henry Ford
Great quote! Most of the time, we feel the force of the "wind" and want to move with it because the struggle seems too great. When we do let the wind push us, we find ourselves struggling to get back to where we started, fatigued and frustrated. How incredible is the faith that sees this as the opportunity to rise above the challenge and go farther than imagined!
Why is this an act of faith? Look at the position you would be in when spreading your wings...arms spread out, absolutely no protection and leaning into the on-coming gust of wind. We are at our most vulnerable, giving up our control of the situation and trusting God to use the storm to lift us up. Lifting us "on the wings of eagles...", (really cool verse!)
So how do we know when to "let go" and let God lift us? My belief is that while we think in terms of our current physical state...6'3" 250 pounds (somewhat challenging to lift for anything less than a hurricane-like issue) our faith can make us like a feather when it comes to God's loving support and guidance. How many times do we say, "I've got this, I will save my prayers for the "big" stuff", or "I am not going to bother God with a prayer for direction on what carpet to buy, that's not what prayer is for." My challenge to whoever reads this, is that we need to get better with practice.
Pilots fly thousands of hours to improve take-off and landings, adjusting for storms and technical challenges, experiencing the wonder of being thousands of feet above the earth. None of that happens without first facing the on-coming wind and accelerating into it. For the person who is not a pilot, what an incredibly frightening experience to be in the cockpit during take-off! For the pilot that lives it every day, reviewing their checklists and preparing for the task, it is just natural. We take off into the wind every day...are we prepared? Believe me, every day has its own storm front; traffic, laundry, homework or just trying to figure out how we fit into the big scheme of things. Each of these opportunities to log flight time in faith will strengthen you for the upcoming challenges that may include a little more fear or second-guessing. Practice is paramount! Reviewing your checklist is a must! (that's the Bible for those of you that cannot keep up with my over-obvious writing :) ) But each day we must, above all else, lean into the wind in order to take off.
C.S. Lewis had a great analogy about the debate over predestination versus free will that I will very loosely attach to my point. His thought was that in life we are marching in a parade, through a large city where we can only see a short distance ahead as we try to stay on the parade route. We have the ability to choose where we turn down side streets, or stay with the group, change groups or simply stand still. Meanwhile, God is represented as the helicopter following the parade from high above. He can see all of the options you have while on your journey, knowing the outcome of each choice while letting you make decisions along the way. The point was that as participants in the parade, we should take time to look up and see where the helicopter was so we could align ourselves with what the parade route should truly be.
Now for the very loose attachment and an apology for C.S. Lewis having to roll over in his grave for being attached to my blog...
If we allow ourselves to be lifted by faith and aligned with God through our release of control over our lives, wouldn't we then have a better view of where God is leading us? As we grow closer to God, don't we become more like Him? I have been married for over twenty years and what they say is true...you do pick up mannerisms and traits along the way. Certainly the word "Sweetie" was not predominant in my vocabulary before I met my wife, but now I use it all the time, and do not whisper it around my friends. How cool are the attributes of God that we can pick up as we grow closer to Him! How cool to demonstrate how great God is in more than just a whisper! People are still amazed at the ability of a plane to get airborne. How much more to see a person lifted above adversity by their faith! :)
Monday, November 22, 2010
"I Think We Have A Mutual Friend..."
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7
You know, I have always struggled with the thought that everyone gets the chance to hear about God, no matter how far in the jungle, desert or remote part of the earth. I do believe God is all-powerful and that He can do anything, but counting on us to get to every person on earth seemed a little tougher than we as humans who enjoy the "easy" way and the dependency on Google Maps could handle. Then I read this verse for the 100th time and I think I may finally understand...
God is not depending on us to find those people...they will come looking for Him. This does not mean I will cut back on my donations to the mission program, but our mission teams may be getting some help before they ever arrive.
If by loving one another we are demonstrating God's most important gift, and therefore showing our attachment to God, whether we know it or not, we know God. Mind-blowing! Simply put, even the most despicable person you can think of, at one point loved someone. Mother, Father, brother, sister, friend...someone touched that person's heart. There was a commitment, no matter how long it lasted, or what the end result was, there was love. As a child, we love unconditionally. Good parents, bad parents, it is of no concern to the child, however the unconditional love can be affected by the poor example from bad parents. If it is true that boys will try to emulate their father in order to meet a woman like their mother and vice-versa for girls, then the effect of poor demonstrations of love can certainly affect the future demonstration of true love from those children. The interesting point here for me, is the fact that God places a child in your life that energizes the love God has so graciously given. I do not care how "hardened" a person has become in their life, a child, pure with God's love, can touch that part of you that God wants to set free.
Is it not amazing that in prison the most hardened criminal will not accept the abuse of a child and will punish the person who committed the crime against a child harsher than our own justice system? Like I said, a child can touch the most significant part of who we are created to be...loving, caring people demonstrating the love of God.
Back to those remote missions...I am fairly certain God has blessed remote communities with children, families and love. Perhaps the mission of our missionaries is not just to spread the Good News, but to demonstrate the love people already have inside and cannot understand where it is coming from. To feel love so strong you would sacrifice your life to save another is a very strong emotion, and is difficult to wrap your head around when you don't know where that internal strength and commitment comes from. Our biggest task in life is to encourage that love and magnify where it comes from. It is from God, and those who love are born of God and know God.
They just don't know it yet...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thanksgiving 2010
Since early 1989 I have been blessed with reason to be thankful every day of my life. Never did I realize at that time there would be more blessings to follow, that would give me so much joy.
Growing up, my family life was less than pleasant and while that is not something I want to spend/waste time reviewing, I do remember the feeling of fear in expressing and discovering who I wanted to be...never smart enough, quick enough or in the right place at the right time. Parenting is not easy and I will not pretend it is harder now than it was when I was a kid. When I look back over the past 18 plus years, I realize that parenting is not about being right or "getting it right" all of the time. In fact, sometimes the best we can do for our kids is demonstrate that life does not always go the way we want.
I am blessed with two boys, sorry, young men. (harder to say because it makes me old and a little less useful) Each of them is blessed with a strong sense of who they are and what they want from life. Just for the record, neither is perfect. They make mistakes, they have been known to use bad language, get angry, not tell the truth, forgotten to take out the trash, clean their rooms, call their Grandmother, scoop poop, etc. They are not perfect, but they are normal, healthy good young men. They are confident, loving, considerate and I have seen them step up for others and protecting the value of those who are challenged or different. Still, this is not the biggest reason I am thankful for my sons...
My joy comes from the simple fact that even when I was a grump, tired from excessive hours, travel and generally not in the mood for any form of silliness, they were silly. They kept me from taking anything too serious, or more serious than my family. With the help of their Mother, my tirades about the aforementioned trash, poop and dirty rooms, became material for the "Dad is crazy" comedy festival. Don't get me wrong, they have always been respectful, just not afraid. Believe it, or not, I am not always a sensitive "touchy-feely" person. My career was based upon a very firm belief that feelings cannot be present to be successful. The boys have not fallen for that, ever. Whether I am being wrestled to the ground being told "Someone need's a hug!", or being run into the ground trying to keep up during a "simple" workout, or simply being abused for my personal "ticks" developed over years to intimidate the fiercest adversary, my boys have given me the most special gift I could ever ask for...they kept me from becoming my Dad.
That is what I am thankful for this year...among all of the blessings I am certainly thankful for, this stands out the most as I see my boys grow into fine young men.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
What Do We Really Want?
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
It's a tough call on what we really want...sure we talk about "want vs. need", but what do we really want? Are we that different from the child walking down a toy isle during Christmas? "That is soooooo cool, I want that!", "That is sooooo cool, I want that!", "That is sooooo cool, I want that!". This search for satisfaction will continue until the realization that "having it all" is not an option, and then the real pain begins. We want it all and cannot always commit to the one thing/goal/person, etc. Our need to be totally in control, puts us in the unfavorable position of being in control of everything...see the dilemma? With our children, there is no way we purchase every toy they want because we know the consequences that entails. Toys everywhere, some broken, and the inevitable feeling that "I don't have any good toys!", even though the child received everything they wanted. (which, by the way, leads to frustration for Mom and Dad too!)
When we shop during the holidays or birthdays, we tell our children to think about what they really want. Will it last? Why do you want it...to be cool, to fit in, to express yourself? What is the real cost? Nothing costs what's on the price tag. Anyone with a "free" puppy can tell you that! Some of us tell our kids to make a list and rank the items from most important to least important. Some even have them do research on the items, finding out the details on what it's really like to own that item. Finally, there has to be a decision, commitment to what we all believe is the best decision. Certainly, as parents we give our direction based upon experience and even though we know what the probable outcome will be, we let the child make the call. When we let our kids decide, it allows for a "softer" discussion if things go awry with the most awesome toy in the world once the package is opened and it is not. We do not say, "I told you so!", we say, "This was your decision, and now we make the best of it". As parents, we feel the pain of a poor outcome and want to make it better. No one wants to see disappointment in the eyes of their child, even if you did tell them "awesome" is just a word on the side of the box. We want to immediately move towards a new opportunity to make a decision, so our children can learn from their experience. It can be as simple as getting ice cream and letting them choose what they want, no questions asked. They should never be afraid to try. Hopefully, they will ask a few more questions the next time. Maybe base their decision on more than a flashy ad campaign and even, listen to the guidance from someone (not always Mom and Dad) who knows and can counsel. As parents, we pray that our children learn to be brave, ask questions and be thankful for the ability to make decisions, even when the outcome is not what they expected.
We parents are very smart when it comes to our children...are we really any different than those we try to direct? How often do we take the anxiety of decision making to God? How often do we research and ask questions? How thankful are we when the "toy" we want is coated with lead-based paint and we cannot have it? Can we be half as mature as we expect our children to be?
Jesus said, "Bring unto me the children...", I believe that meant all of us, not just the youthful. In the verse that started this post, I believe we are being coached on practicing what we preach as parents. God let's us decide, but I am sure He is just like us with our children...hoping they ask for guidance and direction, hoping they will actually act on that direction and then be thankful with the results, even if they don't understand why it did not work out exactly as they planned. Just like we are with our children, God provides unconditional love whether our decisions work out perfectly, or fail miserably. What's interesting, is if we follow our own advice as the verse above directs, we will find the the outcomes are typically positive and better than expected far more often than miserable failures.
Isn't it amazing how much what we need is what we really want? :)
It's a tough call on what we really want...sure we talk about "want vs. need", but what do we really want? Are we that different from the child walking down a toy isle during Christmas? "That is soooooo cool, I want that!", "That is sooooo cool, I want that!", "That is sooooo cool, I want that!". This search for satisfaction will continue until the realization that "having it all" is not an option, and then the real pain begins. We want it all and cannot always commit to the one thing/goal/person, etc. Our need to be totally in control, puts us in the unfavorable position of being in control of everything...see the dilemma? With our children, there is no way we purchase every toy they want because we know the consequences that entails. Toys everywhere, some broken, and the inevitable feeling that "I don't have any good toys!", even though the child received everything they wanted. (which, by the way, leads to frustration for Mom and Dad too!)
When we shop during the holidays or birthdays, we tell our children to think about what they really want. Will it last? Why do you want it...to be cool, to fit in, to express yourself? What is the real cost? Nothing costs what's on the price tag. Anyone with a "free" puppy can tell you that! Some of us tell our kids to make a list and rank the items from most important to least important. Some even have them do research on the items, finding out the details on what it's really like to own that item. Finally, there has to be a decision, commitment to what we all believe is the best decision. Certainly, as parents we give our direction based upon experience and even though we know what the probable outcome will be, we let the child make the call. When we let our kids decide, it allows for a "softer" discussion if things go awry with the most awesome toy in the world once the package is opened and it is not. We do not say, "I told you so!", we say, "This was your decision, and now we make the best of it". As parents, we feel the pain of a poor outcome and want to make it better. No one wants to see disappointment in the eyes of their child, even if you did tell them "awesome" is just a word on the side of the box. We want to immediately move towards a new opportunity to make a decision, so our children can learn from their experience. It can be as simple as getting ice cream and letting them choose what they want, no questions asked. They should never be afraid to try. Hopefully, they will ask a few more questions the next time. Maybe base their decision on more than a flashy ad campaign and even, listen to the guidance from someone (not always Mom and Dad) who knows and can counsel. As parents, we pray that our children learn to be brave, ask questions and be thankful for the ability to make decisions, even when the outcome is not what they expected.
We parents are very smart when it comes to our children...are we really any different than those we try to direct? How often do we take the anxiety of decision making to God? How often do we research and ask questions? How thankful are we when the "toy" we want is coated with lead-based paint and we cannot have it? Can we be half as mature as we expect our children to be?
Jesus said, "Bring unto me the children...", I believe that meant all of us, not just the youthful. In the verse that started this post, I believe we are being coached on practicing what we preach as parents. God let's us decide, but I am sure He is just like us with our children...hoping they ask for guidance and direction, hoping they will actually act on that direction and then be thankful with the results, even if they don't understand why it did not work out exactly as they planned. Just like we are with our children, God provides unconditional love whether our decisions work out perfectly, or fail miserably. What's interesting, is if we follow our own advice as the verse above directs, we will find the the outcomes are typically positive and better than expected far more often than miserable failures.
Isn't it amazing how much what we need is what we really want? :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
What's So Hard About Faith?
As I sit thinking about responsibility, getting older and both my age and the responsibilities seem to grow proportionately, I am wondering why it is so difficult to have faith that all things are possible? The normal answer when someone asks what faith is usually includes an answer that includes "believing in something you cannot see...", "it's like sitting in a chair..." or my favorite, "you just know...". While I completely understand the definition of anything that is so personal and yet untouchable, should be difficult to explain. Maybe that's why they say we "live by faith...setting an example".
My point here, however, is not so much the definition, but why it is so hard to have faith? I believe there can be miracles...I actually believe there are miracles every day, we have just become numb them and take them for granted. Anyone seen a sunrise lately? Been to the ocean, or just looked up at the Fall sky and surveyed the incredible beauty of how small we really are? These are the easy miracles. Each of us has a miracle in our lives...almost daily, if we really look. So why can't we have faith??
Easy answer, it is so ambiguous...
Sure, I believe, but bad things happen even if I have faith. Why leave my conscious understanding of the world and be caught with my guard down when everything hits the fan. Global warming, bullies at school and work, drunk parents, sick family members, war, famine, poorly run government, terrorism...where does my faith get me with all of these tangible threats? Daily I hear that we are ruining the world we live in and that natural and man-made disaster is around the corner. Neighbors, news outlets and people on the street all say the economy and the general state of the world has never been worse, until tomorrow where it will certainly decline to new lows.
Amazingly, through this review of reasons for the lack of ability to have faith, I have found faith is not lost, but rather mis-guided...
If it is so hard to have faith there is a God that loves us unconditionally and wants what's best for us, why is it so easy to believe every person in a different wardrobe is out to get us? Why can we embrace the worst in people though we have never met them? How can we have faith the world is on the way down and the people have nothing but despair and suffering to look forward to each day when we can take time to see those miracles? We have placed our faith in what the stranger on a plane tells us, rather than a God that loves us.
I am reminded of when my kids were younger and out to dinner with us. Of course there were vegetables involved and without fail, once the chicken and macaroni and cheese were gone, with nothing left but green beans, my sons were full. "Sorry Dad, I just cannot eat any more...I am too full". My response was firm at first, eat the vegetables and if you throw them up, I will apologize. That only works if you do not put the "puke" idea in their heads...you do apologize, by the way. My next approach applies more to the current discussion...
When the pleas for mercy began, I simply accepted their refusal to eat the vegetables. The sense of relief was evident and they were able to enjoy the family time without the pressure of learning the benefits of a balanced diet. When my wife and I finished our meal and the waiter came by to clear plates, there was the typical, "Did you save room for dessert?", to which I resolutely responded, "Absolutely, but just for my wife and me, the boys are too full." I then went on to enjoy, and sometimes suffer through, my dessert as the boys watched with significantly more pain than the vegetables offered them. This process only occurred a few times before the message was burned into their brains...we do not make up excuses to avoid the tough stuff. When we struggle, there is a blessing at the end.
No one is foolish enough to believe the times we are experiencing are easy. Unemployment, natural disasters, war and the unavoidable consequences of living in a society that has believed it is "above it all", can be a terrifying environment. The God that loves us unconditionally is sitting at the table and reminding us that vegetables are good for us. Yes, that is over-simplified and gives a strong argument to "the wisdom of man (being) folly...", but are there not "vegetables" for all of us? We find it so easy to believe those vegetables will be the death of us, but forget the dessert that awaits us all if we have the faith to stop "faking" the fullness of the world. "I am sorry God, but I am so full of remorse and fear, there is no room for faith"; "Really, I am going to puke if I have to believe everything is under control"; "God, you don't understand, it's just too much!"...
How silly will we look when dessert comes? Believe me, heaven is the best dessert ever...worth every "vegetable" this world can throw at you! Funny how we don't change much from when we were kids. We still want the dessert without the balance of the vegetables. How much sweeter is dessert when it is getting rid of the broccoli taste!
I know the pursuit of a more faith-filled life is not going to be easy, and surely the challenges will be tough, but I know I will make it. I have faith.
My point here, however, is not so much the definition, but why it is so hard to have faith? I believe there can be miracles...I actually believe there are miracles every day, we have just become numb them and take them for granted. Anyone seen a sunrise lately? Been to the ocean, or just looked up at the Fall sky and surveyed the incredible beauty of how small we really are? These are the easy miracles. Each of us has a miracle in our lives...almost daily, if we really look. So why can't we have faith??
Easy answer, it is so ambiguous...
Sure, I believe, but bad things happen even if I have faith. Why leave my conscious understanding of the world and be caught with my guard down when everything hits the fan. Global warming, bullies at school and work, drunk parents, sick family members, war, famine, poorly run government, terrorism...where does my faith get me with all of these tangible threats? Daily I hear that we are ruining the world we live in and that natural and man-made disaster is around the corner. Neighbors, news outlets and people on the street all say the economy and the general state of the world has never been worse, until tomorrow where it will certainly decline to new lows.
Amazingly, through this review of reasons for the lack of ability to have faith, I have found faith is not lost, but rather mis-guided...
If it is so hard to have faith there is a God that loves us unconditionally and wants what's best for us, why is it so easy to believe every person in a different wardrobe is out to get us? Why can we embrace the worst in people though we have never met them? How can we have faith the world is on the way down and the people have nothing but despair and suffering to look forward to each day when we can take time to see those miracles? We have placed our faith in what the stranger on a plane tells us, rather than a God that loves us.
I am reminded of when my kids were younger and out to dinner with us. Of course there were vegetables involved and without fail, once the chicken and macaroni and cheese were gone, with nothing left but green beans, my sons were full. "Sorry Dad, I just cannot eat any more...I am too full". My response was firm at first, eat the vegetables and if you throw them up, I will apologize. That only works if you do not put the "puke" idea in their heads...you do apologize, by the way. My next approach applies more to the current discussion...
When the pleas for mercy began, I simply accepted their refusal to eat the vegetables. The sense of relief was evident and they were able to enjoy the family time without the pressure of learning the benefits of a balanced diet. When my wife and I finished our meal and the waiter came by to clear plates, there was the typical, "Did you save room for dessert?", to which I resolutely responded, "Absolutely, but just for my wife and me, the boys are too full." I then went on to enjoy, and sometimes suffer through, my dessert as the boys watched with significantly more pain than the vegetables offered them. This process only occurred a few times before the message was burned into their brains...we do not make up excuses to avoid the tough stuff. When we struggle, there is a blessing at the end.
No one is foolish enough to believe the times we are experiencing are easy. Unemployment, natural disasters, war and the unavoidable consequences of living in a society that has believed it is "above it all", can be a terrifying environment. The God that loves us unconditionally is sitting at the table and reminding us that vegetables are good for us. Yes, that is over-simplified and gives a strong argument to "the wisdom of man (being) folly...", but are there not "vegetables" for all of us? We find it so easy to believe those vegetables will be the death of us, but forget the dessert that awaits us all if we have the faith to stop "faking" the fullness of the world. "I am sorry God, but I am so full of remorse and fear, there is no room for faith"; "Really, I am going to puke if I have to believe everything is under control"; "God, you don't understand, it's just too much!"...
How silly will we look when dessert comes? Believe me, heaven is the best dessert ever...worth every "vegetable" this world can throw at you! Funny how we don't change much from when we were kids. We still want the dessert without the balance of the vegetables. How much sweeter is dessert when it is getting rid of the broccoli taste!
I know the pursuit of a more faith-filled life is not going to be easy, and surely the challenges will be tough, but I know I will make it. I have faith.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
How Do We Affect Change?
Change is a buzz word for this decade and unfortunately it has become a punch line on top of that. Corporations have spent millions of dollars and man-hours trying to implement change with as little conflict, fear and loss of morale possible. Sports teams, families and individuals alike, work to change so they may insure a better future and results. My feeling, is that change is not an action that can be described with "quick" as the adjective.
Change is a process, not because a checklist changes, or we are doing more with less, or we need a new system for the offense, or my family just doesn't understand me, but rather change is a process because paradigms must change first. We have to believe the change required is of value and therefore we can support it and push the process to fruition. It's really very basic and starts at birth...
When we are infants, we cry about everything...everything! Hungry, tired, scared and dirty diapers are all on the same level. As parents, we develop changes that allow for us to distinguish the "value" of each wail, and then teach our children to use our system to get what they want. As our children grow, we teach them to change their transportation method from the stroller, or arm, to crawling and eventually walking. The same applies to communication...crying to pointing to eventual talking (which at times we regret :) ), but overall, we implement change on our children effortlessly. It is strange we lose the skill of change as we get older, when we are masters of implementing change with the hardest participants known to man...wait, there is a better, tougher example.
Sea World is an awesome place. Everyone goes to see the shows and watch the magical interaction between trainer and animal. It is amazing that the trainer does not speak a word of dolphin or whale or even sea lion, yet the animals seem to understand every expectation. A simple flip of fish to the performer with a respect for the animal's well being and natural instinct is all it takes to get results. Why won't that work with people?
Let's look at how those trainers get it done...
Certainly I am not looking for a fish as motivation, but I am sure there is a "fish" out there for me. Maybe it's money, respect, or a simple feeling of being involved in something bigger than me. Everyone has there own "fish" and without a clear understanding of what that may be, you will struggle.
What about the respect for the animal's well-being? Do you know the fears of the person you are trying to affect change on? Are you supporting or magnifying that fear? People will stay in an area that makes them uncomfortable if the "fish" is big enough, but you will not get the full value of the person if they are not fully engaged in the program. The fear could be anything, based upon the person's past experience...being used, abandoned, lied to, etc. What do you know about the person you are trying to engage?
Finally, what about that natural instinct? Rabbits don't fly and fish don't run...do you know where your team excels? What if Sea World spent all of their time and resources training whales to walk? Failure, no, complete failure. Again I will ask, do you know the person you are trying to engage? It is not wrong to discuss strengths with a person and therefore alright to discuss weak areas. Why set someone up for failure by not being honest with where their strengths truly are? The simple, but focused discussion of where a person's strengths and success are can build on eliminating the fear area. You are working on the person's behalf to help them reach their goals. Even if their next step is to a completely different environment, you have developed a relationship built on trust and honesty. That is a valuable resource for any person.
In each area, you must know the person you are working with to affect change, but more importantly, you must know where you stand in these areas. Why, because when you affect change on someone else, you will surely change in the process. What are your fish, fears and instincts? I mentioned before you cannot truly motivate a person...each of us makes our own choice to be engaged, happy, sad, indifferent or excited. All you can do for someone else is provide an environment that promotes those areas that eliminate fear, provide recognition and develop a persons natural gifts. The rest is up to them. In the same way, you are responsible for you. When you were a child, you cried, pointed and eventually spoke. Speaking is not the last lesson in communication. Listening is the next big step and following that, taking action. These are the "master's classes". We can all listen to people, but how do we act on what we hear? If a whale tells you he wants to fly, what do you do?
Affecting change is not easy and it takes time, but it's coming whether you want it or not. Sometimes the change we affect is simply changing how you perceive those around you. If we can all do that, who knows how much change there really needs to be?
Change is a process, not because a checklist changes, or we are doing more with less, or we need a new system for the offense, or my family just doesn't understand me, but rather change is a process because paradigms must change first. We have to believe the change required is of value and therefore we can support it and push the process to fruition. It's really very basic and starts at birth...
When we are infants, we cry about everything...everything! Hungry, tired, scared and dirty diapers are all on the same level. As parents, we develop changes that allow for us to distinguish the "value" of each wail, and then teach our children to use our system to get what they want. As our children grow, we teach them to change their transportation method from the stroller, or arm, to crawling and eventually walking. The same applies to communication...crying to pointing to eventual talking (which at times we regret :) ), but overall, we implement change on our children effortlessly. It is strange we lose the skill of change as we get older, when we are masters of implementing change with the hardest participants known to man...wait, there is a better, tougher example.
Sea World is an awesome place. Everyone goes to see the shows and watch the magical interaction between trainer and animal. It is amazing that the trainer does not speak a word of dolphin or whale or even sea lion, yet the animals seem to understand every expectation. A simple flip of fish to the performer with a respect for the animal's well being and natural instinct is all it takes to get results. Why won't that work with people?
Let's look at how those trainers get it done...
Certainly I am not looking for a fish as motivation, but I am sure there is a "fish" out there for me. Maybe it's money, respect, or a simple feeling of being involved in something bigger than me. Everyone has there own "fish" and without a clear understanding of what that may be, you will struggle.
What about the respect for the animal's well-being? Do you know the fears of the person you are trying to affect change on? Are you supporting or magnifying that fear? People will stay in an area that makes them uncomfortable if the "fish" is big enough, but you will not get the full value of the person if they are not fully engaged in the program. The fear could be anything, based upon the person's past experience...being used, abandoned, lied to, etc. What do you know about the person you are trying to engage?
Finally, what about that natural instinct? Rabbits don't fly and fish don't run...do you know where your team excels? What if Sea World spent all of their time and resources training whales to walk? Failure, no, complete failure. Again I will ask, do you know the person you are trying to engage? It is not wrong to discuss strengths with a person and therefore alright to discuss weak areas. Why set someone up for failure by not being honest with where their strengths truly are? The simple, but focused discussion of where a person's strengths and success are can build on eliminating the fear area. You are working on the person's behalf to help them reach their goals. Even if their next step is to a completely different environment, you have developed a relationship built on trust and honesty. That is a valuable resource for any person.
In each area, you must know the person you are working with to affect change, but more importantly, you must know where you stand in these areas. Why, because when you affect change on someone else, you will surely change in the process. What are your fish, fears and instincts? I mentioned before you cannot truly motivate a person...each of us makes our own choice to be engaged, happy, sad, indifferent or excited. All you can do for someone else is provide an environment that promotes those areas that eliminate fear, provide recognition and develop a persons natural gifts. The rest is up to them. In the same way, you are responsible for you. When you were a child, you cried, pointed and eventually spoke. Speaking is not the last lesson in communication. Listening is the next big step and following that, taking action. These are the "master's classes". We can all listen to people, but how do we act on what we hear? If a whale tells you he wants to fly, what do you do?
Affecting change is not easy and it takes time, but it's coming whether you want it or not. Sometimes the change we affect is simply changing how you perceive those around you. If we can all do that, who knows how much change there really needs to be?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A Good Goose Goes A Long Way!
It is amazing the things we can learn from nature. Every day we see the ants working for the Winter, dogs are protecting their territory with a combination of pee and growls and people are trying to dominate whatever area they may happen to occupy at the time. Grocery store aisles, freeway lanes, your position in the "butt-kissing" line at work or school are the typical battle grounds. We as humans are obsessed with getting the best position at almost any cost except sacrifice for another person's benefit. "The meek shall inherit the world"..."the first shall be last and the last shall be first". How do we miss that? It is difficult to explain, and it is certainly not preaching, because I am the worst example of someone who has tried to be last for the benefit of another, but while we have spent our lives trying to be lions and tigers and bears, we seem to miss the example set by geese.
You never hear about a horrifying goose attack when a camper stumbled into its territory. No one warns about the dangers of feeding a goose and losing an arm. There are no great videos of goose attacks, or fights between geese and another predator. We simply know the goose for its migration every year (and how they taste), but mostly the migration. Amazingly, and this is not new information, the geese make a tremendous journey each Winter to the same location, as a group and return, as a group, home in the Spring. Certainly, the goose is not a dominant animal in the grand scope of the animal kingdom, but that magnifies what this posting is all about...we can reach our goals without being the toughest, or strongest if we are willing to work with those around us. If we look for the value and strength in each other there is a much great percentage of success than if we go it alone.
We are aware of the system geese use to fly long distances as a group, cycling the leader from the rear of the group, one goose at a time. I doubt anyone speaks the language, but you have to believe as each goose moves closer to the front, a chorus of encouragement is coming from behind. (maybe the origin of the phrase "giving someone a goose to get them going") In addition, those leaders returning to the back of the group are certainly receiving praise on a job well done leading the team. There is no sacrifice of importance, no loss of self-worth, simply an understanding that each member of the team provides value at the time they are called to lead and the rest of the team supports, encourages and follows as they will expect to be followed.
Please understand, I am aware that geese are not always the friendliest animals. I have been chased around a yard by a rather irritated goose and there was no "teamwork" in his eyes, only anger. That is a normal reaction to someone protecting the team and insuring everyone is going to make the next journey. There is room for a protective nature within a team, but that is different than an aggressive pursuit of domination. Protecting the team is sacrifice, even in the example of my pursuer, the entire team did not chase me, just one. While not an intimidating adversary at 5 years old, I was still larger than the goose. He was prepared to defend the team for as long as it took with whatever consequences were coming. Whether it was his turn to move up front for defense, or there is some other "code" for geese on the ground, I do not know. What I do know, is you rarely see one human do that for another.
We see glimpses when the merge lane moves smoothly during rush hour, or we see the acts of heroism in a soldier, teacher or even the child that shares so another child is not left out. While there is a "killer" instinct in all of us, there is also a sense of honor and teamwork. We have developed the "all for me" side over the past twenty years, and like the athlete that over-trains on the weights, but never works the cardio, we will find that without a strong heart, we cannot accomplish our goals.
The next time you find yourself in the position of moving someone to the front, no matter how insignificant you may think the opportunity is, give them a "goose" and see how excited they become and watch for the response when they get the opportunity to move someone else to the front. A quick warning...if you are moving someone up for your own gain, you may be disappointed if they don't reciprocate for you specifically. Remember, the geese travel in large groups and everyone takes a turn. The support of the group is the strength of the leader, so whether you are up front, or cheering from the rear, your value is priceless.
You never hear about a horrifying goose attack when a camper stumbled into its territory. No one warns about the dangers of feeding a goose and losing an arm. There are no great videos of goose attacks, or fights between geese and another predator. We simply know the goose for its migration every year (and how they taste), but mostly the migration. Amazingly, and this is not new information, the geese make a tremendous journey each Winter to the same location, as a group and return, as a group, home in the Spring. Certainly, the goose is not a dominant animal in the grand scope of the animal kingdom, but that magnifies what this posting is all about...we can reach our goals without being the toughest, or strongest if we are willing to work with those around us. If we look for the value and strength in each other there is a much great percentage of success than if we go it alone.
We are aware of the system geese use to fly long distances as a group, cycling the leader from the rear of the group, one goose at a time. I doubt anyone speaks the language, but you have to believe as each goose moves closer to the front, a chorus of encouragement is coming from behind. (maybe the origin of the phrase "giving someone a goose to get them going") In addition, those leaders returning to the back of the group are certainly receiving praise on a job well done leading the team. There is no sacrifice of importance, no loss of self-worth, simply an understanding that each member of the team provides value at the time they are called to lead and the rest of the team supports, encourages and follows as they will expect to be followed.
Please understand, I am aware that geese are not always the friendliest animals. I have been chased around a yard by a rather irritated goose and there was no "teamwork" in his eyes, only anger. That is a normal reaction to someone protecting the team and insuring everyone is going to make the next journey. There is room for a protective nature within a team, but that is different than an aggressive pursuit of domination. Protecting the team is sacrifice, even in the example of my pursuer, the entire team did not chase me, just one. While not an intimidating adversary at 5 years old, I was still larger than the goose. He was prepared to defend the team for as long as it took with whatever consequences were coming. Whether it was his turn to move up front for defense, or there is some other "code" for geese on the ground, I do not know. What I do know, is you rarely see one human do that for another.
We see glimpses when the merge lane moves smoothly during rush hour, or we see the acts of heroism in a soldier, teacher or even the child that shares so another child is not left out. While there is a "killer" instinct in all of us, there is also a sense of honor and teamwork. We have developed the "all for me" side over the past twenty years, and like the athlete that over-trains on the weights, but never works the cardio, we will find that without a strong heart, we cannot accomplish our goals.
The next time you find yourself in the position of moving someone to the front, no matter how insignificant you may think the opportunity is, give them a "goose" and see how excited they become and watch for the response when they get the opportunity to move someone else to the front. A quick warning...if you are moving someone up for your own gain, you may be disappointed if they don't reciprocate for you specifically. Remember, the geese travel in large groups and everyone takes a turn. The support of the group is the strength of the leader, so whether you are up front, or cheering from the rear, your value is priceless.
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