Fear, anxiety, ADHD, stress, hyperactivity, blah, blah, blah...
We are a society of excuses, with little to no accountability. (this is not going to be a very "touchy-feely" blog today, so I will apologize in advance for my editorial)
Recently I was shopping at Sam's. This is a routine now with the business up and running and improving each year. My visits are organized and like most who shop consistently to stock their inventory, I know where I am going and what I need and do not want to be slowed down. Patience has always been a challenge and Sam's has been the best medicine. This story, however, is not about patience. It is about accountability and confrontation, two areas our country has decided to forego in lieu of media coverage and popularity.
As I rolled around with my flatbed full of supplies for the coming week, aimed at the "Flatbed Only" line as identified by a large sign, I found myself behind a gentleman with a basket, carrying two gallons of milk, two loaves of bread and a book. He was waiting patiently behind a woman checking out her supplies on a flatbed. As is the case in most "wait in line" moments, he turned and made eye contact, smiling and looking at the full flatbed I was leaning on and the full flatbed behind me. I guess he felt the effort of saying, "I'm sorry, I did not realize what line this was," might ease whatever tensions may have been brewing. It actually brought the opposite reaction.
My reaction was like that of a person leaping into the closing elevator door that someone fails to keep open, but this time, instead of a glare with silent indignation, I told my fellow human what I believed to be true..."What are you sorry for? Being inconsiderate? Being illiterate? Or being so oblivious to your own selfish nature, you actually believe we think you're sorry?" He was taken aback by the unexpected reaction to his being a jackass, then angry. "You cannot talk to me this way! It is disrespectful and people should not talk to each other that way!" I responded by saying, "Apparently, like the "Flatbed Only" sign, that is only a suggestion." I continued, "if you are going to make your own rules, be prepared for the consequences of your decisions." At this point a manager I knew from my frequent visits interceded and said she would check me out at the next lane. As she scanned the items she made it clear I should not blame other customers for having to wait in line. Everyone has to wait. At this point it became clear what I should do. What the right thing to say would be...
"I am not angry at him for my need to wait, in fact, I am not angry at him at all. I do not know him well enough to like or dislike him. My comments to him were simply a direct response to what was a completely BS comment. His inability to accept criticism of his poor choice is his problem, not mine. The fact the incident even occurred is not just his fault, it's yours. If you are going to identify a lane as "Flatbed Only" and fail to enforce the designation, then take the sign down. Otherwise, you are simply feeding the self-centered actions and eventually, the conflict of customers."
Needless to say, not my best moment, but after today, I am strengthened in my belief we are opting for the easy way out versus dealing with the issues that bother us. People don't speak up for themselves, either out of fear of retribution, or being held accountable for what they say. We have young people that cannot stand up for themselves and are bullied. If I am a student in a public school and defend myself from a known bully, I will be taken away in handcuffs, put in a modified school for at least a week and now I have an issue. Why would I stand up for myself? Not only do I take a beating (no one fights without getting banged up) but now I am punished for doing what comes naturally in defending myself. Confrontation is now a sit-down with Dr. Phil, or some other know-it-all, self-prescribed expert where we determine it's time to "get real". Here's a little advice on getting real; if someone is being a jackass, tell them they are being a jackass. If someone is doing something you agree with, tell them. Even if by supporting them you find others do not agree. Independence is a two-edged sword. We want to be free to make decisions, but no one wants the weight of accountability. Politicians run for office to be leaders, but waffle back and forth, and are manipulated by greed to keep the position. What has the government really done for us in the past twenty years? Republican, Democrat, it doesn't matter, they're all businessmen looking for a nice job, with good pay and benefits. Just like the executives at a large financial institution, say like Wells Fargo, there is no concern for the customer (voters), only a need to run the budget and get the bonus. Who challenges these people? No one, because through legislation we are neutering those who should be able to make change.
My uncle used to say of fighting between friends and family, "You don't get fire without sparks". In life, how many sparks do we create? How often do we challenge? How often do you encourage a challenge to what you say or do? How often do we listen and give honest feedback to those who need to voice their thoughts, fears, etc?
As you pass through a public space, count the heads pointed down checking texts, emails or simply playing a game. Alone in a public space...no interaction, no conflict, no reality except what you make-up in your next post. Dehumanizing those around you and yourself at the same time. Making eye contact is the next challenge on "The Biggest Loser".
We are a social people using an anti-social methodology. I am blogging, but it simply a reaction to the murder of 20 school children. Twenty innocent lives lost in the expression of a sad and lonely person who felt the only way to interact and communicate was to attack those who could not possibly defend themselves or tell him he was wrong. (why is it people who kill don't try walking into a police station where the odds for the victims are considerably better?) Simple suicide was not enough for him. He needed to make a statement the same way everyone does these days. "click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, send" No accountability...jackass.
