As we watch the mother bird slowly nudge the baby towards the edge of the nest, the young bird flaps instinctively, preparing for the eventual sensation of freedom...
Not an unfamiliar picture, or metaphor in the raising of children, but I am aware now, more than ever, of the reality of this process. Yes, we raise our children to be prepared for the "world out there" and pray they have listened. At times, after a session of "you don't know me" (the timeless teenage word game we have all played) we want them to learn by fire just as we did. But we quickly recall just how much that sucked and wish we had never thought it.
This picture of the mother "pushing" the baby out of the nest is not as accurate as we interpret when we are young. After raising children to be out on their own, it is incredibly painful to push them out and let them be on their own. A mother carries the child for nine months with one goal, push them out. But after the pain, the immediate need is to hold the baby close. The eighteen year "push" is no different. We want the kids to grow and develop, be strong and courageous, stand up for what they believe and be the people we know they can be. When it comes time for them to be "born" into the world as adults, our first reaction is to bring them back and hold them, protect them and make sure nothing can hurt them.
It has always been funny to me how this "push and pull" system works:
We teach them to crawl, walk and drive, but don't want them to go too far.
We teach them to talk, study and stand up for what they believe, but only with other people, not us.
We give them the ability to dream and chase whatever they desire, but try to temper their spirit.
Just as we started the process of teaching when they were young, we now have to let them go and explore, developing who they will be. Our job now is to be there for them, when they need us, not when we need them to need us. There are blessings in all of this and the growing up is not just for the kids, but I am taken back to that mother bird and her baby...
Perhaps it is not as easy as it appears. Maybe she is whispering the whole time; "It looks cold", "Did you remember about the places you should not perch", "You need to eat", "Don't talk to strangers", "We are here for you".
Of course the baby is not necessarily flapping its wings to stay in the nest, but rather working to fly off and experience the world they have heard so much about. Ground be damned, predators beware, it is my turn to show others how to fly!
Science tells us most birds will nest within ear-shot of the nest they were "pushed" out of, perhaps the sounds of our childhood can be soothing at the end of a long day conquering the world. In our technology saturated world, that closeness is easier as our birds fly away.
Our kids moving out and onward is not parenthood "retirement", but rather a responsibility we have been training for without even realizing it...
We have been in the stands, during performances and games, ready for the glance from the field...
We have been watching as the bicycle seat leaves our hands, in anticipation of the look of success...
We have been available for the tears, fears and cheers throughout.
That is my role now full time...waiting for the moment they glance back, looking for the thumbs up, encouraging and being so proud of the people they have flown on to be.
