As I sit thinking about responsibility, getting older and both my age and the responsibilities seem to grow proportionately, I am wondering why it is so difficult to have faith that all things are possible? The normal answer when someone asks what faith is usually includes an answer that includes "believing in something you cannot see...", "it's like sitting in a chair..." or my favorite, "you just know...". While I completely understand the definition of anything that is so personal and yet untouchable, should be difficult to explain. Maybe that's why they say we "live by faith...setting an example".
My point here, however, is not so much the definition, but why it is so hard to have faith? I believe there can be miracles...I actually believe there are miracles every day, we have just become numb them and take them for granted. Anyone seen a sunrise lately? Been to the ocean, or just looked up at the Fall sky and surveyed the incredible beauty of how small we really are? These are the easy miracles. Each of us has a miracle in our lives...almost daily, if we really look. So why can't we have faith??
Easy answer, it is so ambiguous...
Sure, I believe, but bad things happen even if I have faith. Why leave my conscious understanding of the world and be caught with my guard down when everything hits the fan. Global warming, bullies at school and work, drunk parents, sick family members, war, famine, poorly run government, terrorism...where does my faith get me with all of these tangible threats? Daily I hear that we are ruining the world we live in and that natural and man-made disaster is around the corner. Neighbors, news outlets and people on the street all say the economy and the general state of the world has never been worse, until tomorrow where it will certainly decline to new lows.
Amazingly, through this review of reasons for the lack of ability to have faith, I have found faith is not lost, but rather mis-guided...
If it is so hard to have faith there is a God that loves us unconditionally and wants what's best for us, why is it so easy to believe every person in a different wardrobe is out to get us? Why can we embrace the worst in people though we have never met them? How can we have faith the world is on the way down and the people have nothing but despair and suffering to look forward to each day when we can take time to see those miracles? We have placed our faith in what the stranger on a plane tells us, rather than a God that loves us.
I am reminded of when my kids were younger and out to dinner with us. Of course there were vegetables involved and without fail, once the chicken and macaroni and cheese were gone, with nothing left but green beans, my sons were full. "Sorry Dad, I just cannot eat any more...I am too full". My response was firm at first, eat the vegetables and if you throw them up, I will apologize. That only works if you do not put the "puke" idea in their heads...you do apologize, by the way. My next approach applies more to the current discussion...
When the pleas for mercy began, I simply accepted their refusal to eat the vegetables. The sense of relief was evident and they were able to enjoy the family time without the pressure of learning the benefits of a balanced diet. When my wife and I finished our meal and the waiter came by to clear plates, there was the typical, "Did you save room for dessert?", to which I resolutely responded, "Absolutely, but just for my wife and me, the boys are too full." I then went on to enjoy, and sometimes suffer through, my dessert as the boys watched with significantly more pain than the vegetables offered them. This process only occurred a few times before the message was burned into their brains...we do not make up excuses to avoid the tough stuff. When we struggle, there is a blessing at the end.
No one is foolish enough to believe the times we are experiencing are easy. Unemployment, natural disasters, war and the unavoidable consequences of living in a society that has believed it is "above it all", can be a terrifying environment. The God that loves us unconditionally is sitting at the table and reminding us that vegetables are good for us. Yes, that is over-simplified and gives a strong argument to "the wisdom of man (being) folly...", but are there not "vegetables" for all of us? We find it so easy to believe those vegetables will be the death of us, but forget the dessert that awaits us all if we have the faith to stop "faking" the fullness of the world. "I am sorry God, but I am so full of remorse and fear, there is no room for faith"; "Really, I am going to puke if I have to believe everything is under control"; "God, you don't understand, it's just too much!"...
How silly will we look when dessert comes? Believe me, heaven is the best dessert ever...worth every "vegetable" this world can throw at you! Funny how we don't change much from when we were kids. We still want the dessert without the balance of the vegetables. How much sweeter is dessert when it is getting rid of the broccoli taste!
I know the pursuit of a more faith-filled life is not going to be easy, and surely the challenges will be tough, but I know I will make it. I have faith.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
How Do We Affect Change?
Change is a buzz word for this decade and unfortunately it has become a punch line on top of that. Corporations have spent millions of dollars and man-hours trying to implement change with as little conflict, fear and loss of morale possible. Sports teams, families and individuals alike, work to change so they may insure a better future and results. My feeling, is that change is not an action that can be described with "quick" as the adjective.
Change is a process, not because a checklist changes, or we are doing more with less, or we need a new system for the offense, or my family just doesn't understand me, but rather change is a process because paradigms must change first. We have to believe the change required is of value and therefore we can support it and push the process to fruition. It's really very basic and starts at birth...
When we are infants, we cry about everything...everything! Hungry, tired, scared and dirty diapers are all on the same level. As parents, we develop changes that allow for us to distinguish the "value" of each wail, and then teach our children to use our system to get what they want. As our children grow, we teach them to change their transportation method from the stroller, or arm, to crawling and eventually walking. The same applies to communication...crying to pointing to eventual talking (which at times we regret :) ), but overall, we implement change on our children effortlessly. It is strange we lose the skill of change as we get older, when we are masters of implementing change with the hardest participants known to man...wait, there is a better, tougher example.
Sea World is an awesome place. Everyone goes to see the shows and watch the magical interaction between trainer and animal. It is amazing that the trainer does not speak a word of dolphin or whale or even sea lion, yet the animals seem to understand every expectation. A simple flip of fish to the performer with a respect for the animal's well being and natural instinct is all it takes to get results. Why won't that work with people?
Let's look at how those trainers get it done...
Certainly I am not looking for a fish as motivation, but I am sure there is a "fish" out there for me. Maybe it's money, respect, or a simple feeling of being involved in something bigger than me. Everyone has there own "fish" and without a clear understanding of what that may be, you will struggle.
What about the respect for the animal's well-being? Do you know the fears of the person you are trying to affect change on? Are you supporting or magnifying that fear? People will stay in an area that makes them uncomfortable if the "fish" is big enough, but you will not get the full value of the person if they are not fully engaged in the program. The fear could be anything, based upon the person's past experience...being used, abandoned, lied to, etc. What do you know about the person you are trying to engage?
Finally, what about that natural instinct? Rabbits don't fly and fish don't run...do you know where your team excels? What if Sea World spent all of their time and resources training whales to walk? Failure, no, complete failure. Again I will ask, do you know the person you are trying to engage? It is not wrong to discuss strengths with a person and therefore alright to discuss weak areas. Why set someone up for failure by not being honest with where their strengths truly are? The simple, but focused discussion of where a person's strengths and success are can build on eliminating the fear area. You are working on the person's behalf to help them reach their goals. Even if their next step is to a completely different environment, you have developed a relationship built on trust and honesty. That is a valuable resource for any person.
In each area, you must know the person you are working with to affect change, but more importantly, you must know where you stand in these areas. Why, because when you affect change on someone else, you will surely change in the process. What are your fish, fears and instincts? I mentioned before you cannot truly motivate a person...each of us makes our own choice to be engaged, happy, sad, indifferent or excited. All you can do for someone else is provide an environment that promotes those areas that eliminate fear, provide recognition and develop a persons natural gifts. The rest is up to them. In the same way, you are responsible for you. When you were a child, you cried, pointed and eventually spoke. Speaking is not the last lesson in communication. Listening is the next big step and following that, taking action. These are the "master's classes". We can all listen to people, but how do we act on what we hear? If a whale tells you he wants to fly, what do you do?
Affecting change is not easy and it takes time, but it's coming whether you want it or not. Sometimes the change we affect is simply changing how you perceive those around you. If we can all do that, who knows how much change there really needs to be?
Change is a process, not because a checklist changes, or we are doing more with less, or we need a new system for the offense, or my family just doesn't understand me, but rather change is a process because paradigms must change first. We have to believe the change required is of value and therefore we can support it and push the process to fruition. It's really very basic and starts at birth...
When we are infants, we cry about everything...everything! Hungry, tired, scared and dirty diapers are all on the same level. As parents, we develop changes that allow for us to distinguish the "value" of each wail, and then teach our children to use our system to get what they want. As our children grow, we teach them to change their transportation method from the stroller, or arm, to crawling and eventually walking. The same applies to communication...crying to pointing to eventual talking (which at times we regret :) ), but overall, we implement change on our children effortlessly. It is strange we lose the skill of change as we get older, when we are masters of implementing change with the hardest participants known to man...wait, there is a better, tougher example.
Sea World is an awesome place. Everyone goes to see the shows and watch the magical interaction between trainer and animal. It is amazing that the trainer does not speak a word of dolphin or whale or even sea lion, yet the animals seem to understand every expectation. A simple flip of fish to the performer with a respect for the animal's well being and natural instinct is all it takes to get results. Why won't that work with people?
Let's look at how those trainers get it done...
Certainly I am not looking for a fish as motivation, but I am sure there is a "fish" out there for me. Maybe it's money, respect, or a simple feeling of being involved in something bigger than me. Everyone has there own "fish" and without a clear understanding of what that may be, you will struggle.
What about the respect for the animal's well-being? Do you know the fears of the person you are trying to affect change on? Are you supporting or magnifying that fear? People will stay in an area that makes them uncomfortable if the "fish" is big enough, but you will not get the full value of the person if they are not fully engaged in the program. The fear could be anything, based upon the person's past experience...being used, abandoned, lied to, etc. What do you know about the person you are trying to engage?
Finally, what about that natural instinct? Rabbits don't fly and fish don't run...do you know where your team excels? What if Sea World spent all of their time and resources training whales to walk? Failure, no, complete failure. Again I will ask, do you know the person you are trying to engage? It is not wrong to discuss strengths with a person and therefore alright to discuss weak areas. Why set someone up for failure by not being honest with where their strengths truly are? The simple, but focused discussion of where a person's strengths and success are can build on eliminating the fear area. You are working on the person's behalf to help them reach their goals. Even if their next step is to a completely different environment, you have developed a relationship built on trust and honesty. That is a valuable resource for any person.
In each area, you must know the person you are working with to affect change, but more importantly, you must know where you stand in these areas. Why, because when you affect change on someone else, you will surely change in the process. What are your fish, fears and instincts? I mentioned before you cannot truly motivate a person...each of us makes our own choice to be engaged, happy, sad, indifferent or excited. All you can do for someone else is provide an environment that promotes those areas that eliminate fear, provide recognition and develop a persons natural gifts. The rest is up to them. In the same way, you are responsible for you. When you were a child, you cried, pointed and eventually spoke. Speaking is not the last lesson in communication. Listening is the next big step and following that, taking action. These are the "master's classes". We can all listen to people, but how do we act on what we hear? If a whale tells you he wants to fly, what do you do?
Affecting change is not easy and it takes time, but it's coming whether you want it or not. Sometimes the change we affect is simply changing how you perceive those around you. If we can all do that, who knows how much change there really needs to be?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A Good Goose Goes A Long Way!
It is amazing the things we can learn from nature. Every day we see the ants working for the Winter, dogs are protecting their territory with a combination of pee and growls and people are trying to dominate whatever area they may happen to occupy at the time. Grocery store aisles, freeway lanes, your position in the "butt-kissing" line at work or school are the typical battle grounds. We as humans are obsessed with getting the best position at almost any cost except sacrifice for another person's benefit. "The meek shall inherit the world"..."the first shall be last and the last shall be first". How do we miss that? It is difficult to explain, and it is certainly not preaching, because I am the worst example of someone who has tried to be last for the benefit of another, but while we have spent our lives trying to be lions and tigers and bears, we seem to miss the example set by geese.
You never hear about a horrifying goose attack when a camper stumbled into its territory. No one warns about the dangers of feeding a goose and losing an arm. There are no great videos of goose attacks, or fights between geese and another predator. We simply know the goose for its migration every year (and how they taste), but mostly the migration. Amazingly, and this is not new information, the geese make a tremendous journey each Winter to the same location, as a group and return, as a group, home in the Spring. Certainly, the goose is not a dominant animal in the grand scope of the animal kingdom, but that magnifies what this posting is all about...we can reach our goals without being the toughest, or strongest if we are willing to work with those around us. If we look for the value and strength in each other there is a much great percentage of success than if we go it alone.
We are aware of the system geese use to fly long distances as a group, cycling the leader from the rear of the group, one goose at a time. I doubt anyone speaks the language, but you have to believe as each goose moves closer to the front, a chorus of encouragement is coming from behind. (maybe the origin of the phrase "giving someone a goose to get them going") In addition, those leaders returning to the back of the group are certainly receiving praise on a job well done leading the team. There is no sacrifice of importance, no loss of self-worth, simply an understanding that each member of the team provides value at the time they are called to lead and the rest of the team supports, encourages and follows as they will expect to be followed.
Please understand, I am aware that geese are not always the friendliest animals. I have been chased around a yard by a rather irritated goose and there was no "teamwork" in his eyes, only anger. That is a normal reaction to someone protecting the team and insuring everyone is going to make the next journey. There is room for a protective nature within a team, but that is different than an aggressive pursuit of domination. Protecting the team is sacrifice, even in the example of my pursuer, the entire team did not chase me, just one. While not an intimidating adversary at 5 years old, I was still larger than the goose. He was prepared to defend the team for as long as it took with whatever consequences were coming. Whether it was his turn to move up front for defense, or there is some other "code" for geese on the ground, I do not know. What I do know, is you rarely see one human do that for another.
We see glimpses when the merge lane moves smoothly during rush hour, or we see the acts of heroism in a soldier, teacher or even the child that shares so another child is not left out. While there is a "killer" instinct in all of us, there is also a sense of honor and teamwork. We have developed the "all for me" side over the past twenty years, and like the athlete that over-trains on the weights, but never works the cardio, we will find that without a strong heart, we cannot accomplish our goals.
The next time you find yourself in the position of moving someone to the front, no matter how insignificant you may think the opportunity is, give them a "goose" and see how excited they become and watch for the response when they get the opportunity to move someone else to the front. A quick warning...if you are moving someone up for your own gain, you may be disappointed if they don't reciprocate for you specifically. Remember, the geese travel in large groups and everyone takes a turn. The support of the group is the strength of the leader, so whether you are up front, or cheering from the rear, your value is priceless.
You never hear about a horrifying goose attack when a camper stumbled into its territory. No one warns about the dangers of feeding a goose and losing an arm. There are no great videos of goose attacks, or fights between geese and another predator. We simply know the goose for its migration every year (and how they taste), but mostly the migration. Amazingly, and this is not new information, the geese make a tremendous journey each Winter to the same location, as a group and return, as a group, home in the Spring. Certainly, the goose is not a dominant animal in the grand scope of the animal kingdom, but that magnifies what this posting is all about...we can reach our goals without being the toughest, or strongest if we are willing to work with those around us. If we look for the value and strength in each other there is a much great percentage of success than if we go it alone.
We are aware of the system geese use to fly long distances as a group, cycling the leader from the rear of the group, one goose at a time. I doubt anyone speaks the language, but you have to believe as each goose moves closer to the front, a chorus of encouragement is coming from behind. (maybe the origin of the phrase "giving someone a goose to get them going") In addition, those leaders returning to the back of the group are certainly receiving praise on a job well done leading the team. There is no sacrifice of importance, no loss of self-worth, simply an understanding that each member of the team provides value at the time they are called to lead and the rest of the team supports, encourages and follows as they will expect to be followed.
Please understand, I am aware that geese are not always the friendliest animals. I have been chased around a yard by a rather irritated goose and there was no "teamwork" in his eyes, only anger. That is a normal reaction to someone protecting the team and insuring everyone is going to make the next journey. There is room for a protective nature within a team, but that is different than an aggressive pursuit of domination. Protecting the team is sacrifice, even in the example of my pursuer, the entire team did not chase me, just one. While not an intimidating adversary at 5 years old, I was still larger than the goose. He was prepared to defend the team for as long as it took with whatever consequences were coming. Whether it was his turn to move up front for defense, or there is some other "code" for geese on the ground, I do not know. What I do know, is you rarely see one human do that for another.
We see glimpses when the merge lane moves smoothly during rush hour, or we see the acts of heroism in a soldier, teacher or even the child that shares so another child is not left out. While there is a "killer" instinct in all of us, there is also a sense of honor and teamwork. We have developed the "all for me" side over the past twenty years, and like the athlete that over-trains on the weights, but never works the cardio, we will find that without a strong heart, we cannot accomplish our goals.
The next time you find yourself in the position of moving someone to the front, no matter how insignificant you may think the opportunity is, give them a "goose" and see how excited they become and watch for the response when they get the opportunity to move someone else to the front. A quick warning...if you are moving someone up for your own gain, you may be disappointed if they don't reciprocate for you specifically. Remember, the geese travel in large groups and everyone takes a turn. The support of the group is the strength of the leader, so whether you are up front, or cheering from the rear, your value is priceless.
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